she was in heat and ovulating more often than usual

So it turns out the first thing I write is for a band I don't even know anything about and have maybe read one or two crackfics of. Ummm... *peers at brain* Yup. And I am including the name of the band that the band dudes come from in the header, because that is what I told redsnake05 she should do when I started getting into this fandom. I CATER TO NOOBS, OKAY.

Title: A Treatise on the Practical Advantages of Invisibility
Pairing: Pete/Patrick [Fall Out Boy]
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Voyeurism, dub-con, invisibility!sex, stealth fluff
Word count: 3885
Disclaimer: Fake, never happened, no aspersion intended, &c.
Summary: One day Pete discovers he can turn invisible.
Notes: Set in some kind of post-high-school/college AU where the boys appear to be roughly the same age. The facts I know about FOB's history or members could be easily held in the palm of a premature infant's hand, so this might as well be bandom-inspired original fic. Originally written for anon_lovefest, with the prompt "Pete somehow has the ability to turn invisible and follows (bb!)Patrick into the bathroom and watches him shower, change, sing embarrassing songs, sleeping, etc. When Patrick is sleeping Pete feels him up and fingers (and eventually fucks) him."

Many thanks to [Bad username: verbosewordsmith] for looking this over and offering invaluable facts about canon which I then ignored. And I owe icanhaspancake about a million internet cookies for betaing this even though she knows even less about bandom than I do. <333

( After the shower incident, Pete knows he has to watch Patrick again, as soon as possible. )

October's been over for a while now. Annnnnd I almost forgot to crosspost my daily_deviant fic again. *shifty eyes*

Title: Ladies in Waiting
Characters: Madam Malkin/Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Almost-but-not-quite infidelity, improper use of a wedding dress, table!sex... yeah, I'm grasping at straws here. :P
Themes/kinks chosen: Hyphephilia: arousal by touching fabrics or garments
Word Count: ~4400
Summary: I'm acutely aware of how this garment will cover her body, how every square inch that I've touched will touch her, in turn. It makes me wet.
Author's notes: According to HP Lexicon, Madam Malkin has no canon first name, which would generally scare me off from writing from her POV, but there was no way she wasn't being the one to get this kink (professional robemaker + fabric kink = destiny, y/y?). So for convenience's sake I went ahead and named her Melvina. And then I went and wrote the fic in first person because seeing the made-up name all over the place weirded me out. LOL. ...there was a point to this note, at some point. Many thanks to woldy for the beta!

( Ladies in Waiting )

It's snarry_ldws time again! Only four drabbles left, so reading and voting and being awesome will take but an instant. :D

Title: Walk of Shame
Prompts: Non-magic AU, "way to go, Harry!"
Summary: Last night was good (incredible), but it's over now.
Rating/Warnings: R
Word Count: 300
Notes: This was non-magic AU week, so I took the opportunity to turn Hogwarts into the Enterprise and Harry and Snape into Chekov and McCoy and write blatant gift!fic for _beetle_ for being AWESOME and GLORIOUS. But then this whole scene might just be plagiarized from one of her actual ST fics so I dunno how much of a gift it is...*shoves fic at teh beetle and runs away*

( last week's drabble )

Have you voted yet?

In honor of Halloween, I present... a darkfic! Written for nextgendarkfest way back in what, June? July? But not crossposted to my journal until now for whatever reason. :P

But before the fic, a bonus feature...

THE CREATIVE PROCESS, A DRAMATIZATION
Nothing that looks like a direct quote is a direct quote. Some details may be fudged, since my memory = 0.
( cut for extreme length and irrelevance )

( acknowledgement & squee &c. )

Title: A Cracked Smile and a Silent Shout
Rating: NC-17
Word Count:6000
Pairing(s): Albus Severus/Scorpius, implied Draco/Albus Severus, and Draco/Scorpius
Warnings: Violence, character death, potions use, coercion, incest, implied chan, non-con, MEAN DRACO. DRACO IS MEAN. IF YOU LIKE HIM YOU MIGHT BE SAD.
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters herein are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: Scorpius had only started giving Al the potion as a way to get the ball rolling, but now he doesn't dare stop, not when Al could so easily slip out of Scorpius's arms and into Draco's.
Author's Notes: I owe many firstborn babies to my fabulous betas icanhaspancake and juliandahling. MANY. I shall go and start collecting them now. Title and quoted lyrics taken from Silent Shout by The Knife.

If I explain it once thoroughly
He'll have you later 'cause it's never free
You were at the gigantic spree
I caught a glimpse now it haunts me

( The fumes rising from the cauldron mingled with the dank air of the dungeons )

It's that time again! I'd be much obliged if you wended your way over to snarry_ldws and cast your vote - there are only 6 drabbles this week, and they're all yummy non-magic AUs, so it should be a piece of cake. YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE NOT TO.

Title: After the Fall
Prompts: Angst, "cunning"
Summary: Harry wakes up in a bad mood and burns the porridge on purpose.
Rating/Warnings: PG, angst
Word Count: 300
Notes: Got a bit experimental with the stylistic stuff this time. *vbg* Big props to [Bad username: beetle_comma_the] for all the beta/cheerleading!
( angsty is my favorite mood for this ship )

psssst, go vote now, or else I might not make it through this round AND THEN THERE WOULD BE NO MORE SNARRY DRABBLES HERE, BOO HOO. [angst! angst! angst!]

Title: Lines
Author: la_dissonance
Summary: With Harry he was distant, removed, always demanding more of Harry and keeping one step ahead of Harry's efforts to satisfy him.
Rating/Warnings: PG, possibly young chan (or possibly not any chan at all, depending on how you want to read it).
Word Count: 299
Notes: AU in which Harry is randomly in Slytherin. Thanks to L for the insta-beta of awesome!

Snape's hand was cold on Harry's wrist, as cold as the dungeon classroom he ushered Harry into. Harry didn't shiver as he slid into the seat nearest the Professor's desk; he had grown accustomed to coldness of all kinds in the years since his Sorting.

Snape didn't speak as he swooped to his desk, only waved his wand at the blackboard to make Harry's assignment appear. Lines tonight. Hardly a punishment, but the infraction had been a minor one, barely enough to merit a warning.

But that was to be expected. Snape was harder on Harry than he was on the other Slytherins: less indulgent and more demanding. He didn't dote on any of his students, not hardly, but with Harry he was distant, removed, always demanding more of Harry and keeping one step ahead of Harry's efforts to satisfy him. Harry wanted to satisfy him, earn his approval just once, get a little closer and then a little closer until he was right inside Snape's impenetrable defences, as close as he could get.

Harry was long past been naïve enough to remain ignorant of the signs of his own desire. It would have been hard, especially when he spent every waking moment scrutinizing Snape for signs of the same, cultivating it with the graceful curve of his bared neck and the way he sucked on the end of his quill.

Tonight, Harry wasn't writing lines. I know you'll say this can't be true, but you have to believe me. I'm always thinking about you – the sound of your voice, the shape of your hands, I want to know, want you . . .

Harry glanced up through his eyelashes and caught the professor's stony gaze lingering on him. He kept writing.

This coldness, this distance, it wouldn't last for long.

So yeah I forgot to post this last week and so an extra one is attaching itself to this posting, blah blah blah. (Am I the only one who thinks about Bob Loblaw, the inept attourney to the Bluth family, every time I say/think/wirte that phrase? BOB LOBLAW. That was his fucking name. Frsrs.)

And because a) I am obnoxious and b) the lust to win at any and all costs burns through my veins like a hot river of crackling magma, I'm posting this link both before and after the cut: go read and vote!

Title: On a Silver Platter
Summary: There is NOTHING in canon that says for absolute sure that this didn't happen. Just try and find it, I dare you.
Rating/Warnings: R, dubcon, student/teacher, pervy-old-man-Snape
Word Count: 297
Prompts: Occlumency lessons, "Time waits for no man"
Notes: Due to a scheduling conflict me being a lazy arse, the one over at snarry_ldws is the un-beta'd version; this here is the officially beta'd, polished version. The use of the word "chasmal" is entirely _beetle_'s fault; she didn't tell me to put it in there but she said all these delightful things and then it was absolutely the perfect adjective and I couldn't help myself. Exciting times in the annals of obscure vocabulary!
( nothing ridiculous, but do heed the warnings )

Title: Tenacity
Summary: Severus cannot, will not, believe any of this is happening.
Rating/Warnings: PG-13, if only for a brief dalliance with the F word
Word Count: 300
Prompts: Humo(u)r, "madness"
Notes: Alas, 'tis only pre-slash. ;_; And as usual my beta is the bestest beta of all time ever, not even just out of the Hufflepuff betas. Even when I don't like the drabble myself! gax
( cut cut snip snip snip )

VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTE

Picspam and suchlike from the slash retreat shall be posted tomorrow! It turns out I have a 10am shift at work tomorrow ick ick bleh. And I pour significant time and effort into my img tags, yo. Adding all these border attributes and shit... :P

Title: Cling to the Past
Pairing: Harry/Seamus
Rating: NC-17 (but only barely)
Warnings: boy!angst. smoking. Some ultraviolet 69 and other vague purply smexings.
Word count: 21 x 100 + 1 x 200 (2300 total)
Summary: Harry and Seamus are two of a kind.
Notes: I had never considered this pairing until Joey requested it, so it was a fun challenge to try and see how they go together. This is really the only way I can see it happening. Beta duties taken on by the lovely redsnake05 :)

( do not be afraid of the drabbles... the drabbles are your friennnnnnnnds... )

I don't even know how many times over I owe icanhaspancake fic, so we'll just say this is for her birthday. And because there isn't enough fluffish smut around. :D

Title: Stakeout Surprise 2.0
Pairing: Ron/Draco
Word Count: 2100
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: porneh porn porn, uncalled-for fluffishness
Notes: Originally written as a drabble for draco100 here.

( Draco had no great fondness for Ron Weasley, but he loved his cock )

Title: Stakeout Surprise
Pairing: Ron/Draco
Word Count: 100x2 or maybe 200
Rating: R
Warnings: None. *porn fail*
Disclaimer: These boys are not mine, otherwise there'd be a lot less chest-monsters in the books and a lot more of the kinky sex.
Notes: This was written for the sole purpose of eking more Draco drabbles out of torino10154, and should be regarded with appropriate skepticism. Since I habitually avoid drabble writing if possible, I've no idea what the difference is between a 200 word drabble and a 100x2 word drabble, but probably there should at least be a scene change involved. *shifty eyes*

( Stakeout Surprise )

Title: A Delightful Bedroom Romp
Pairing: Oliver/Percy
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: the usual + formatting weirdness of doom
Word count: 2500, sort of. It depends...
Summary: Percy and Oliver are roommates, and they've never had sex--until one day, they do. (And how!)
Notes: trubbleclef, I don't know quite whether to apologize for the strangeness or enjoin you to enjoy it all the more so because of the WTF. I had originally decided I didn't have time for even a drabble (I don't!), but then I got the bright idea of throwing together a few smutty scenarios into a quiz and making a crackish choose-your-own smut drabble, which should have taken about 5 minutes. (Percy fancies Oliver. Do they fuck? y/n) But noooo, the quiz boxes took over my brain and this is what happened. I don't have you in my gift fic spreadsheet, so I just went and picked my favorite pairing you write, so if you don't like this, let that be a lesson to you. >:D

And at some point, this turned less crackish, though it still waxes purple in places. *cough*

( choose your own porno )

Title: Draco: The Titillating Tale of a Virginal Man-Slut ;)
Authors: This torrid little spoonful of pain is brought to you by icanhaspancake and la_dissonance
Pairing: Won-won/Drakie-poo
Rating: NC-58. Or NC-61, depending on your jurisdiction.
Warnings: Cracktastic crackishness, complete and utter disregard for male anatomy, creature!fic, crossdressing, snowballing, piercings, implied mpreg, anal, oral, post-anal oral, melodrama, an egregious number of orgasms, general squickishness. Also, CRACK.
Summary: Ron and Draco had sex a lot, because they really liked it.
Authors' Notes: we worked really really hard on this so please read and review!!!!!!!!!!! NO FLAMES. I WILL CUT A BITCH. pleeeeeease, reading & reviewing only takes a moment of your time and it will make us sooooooo happy because we worked hard and we will give cookies if you are nice. :DDDDDDDDDDD

( ENTER TEH CRACK DEN )

Title: Annihilation
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Draco/Severus/Harry
Words: 6800
Warnings: Angst, spoilers: *non-chronological timeline, unrequited Draco/Severus, genderfuck (feminized Harry)*
Summary: When what Harry wants is nothing at all, how can he have anything to give? If there is only one thing Draco wants, can he ask for it? What if it's not even for himself - does that change anything?
Notes: This is easily one of my favorite fics I've written to date. Done for drapery_snarco's inaugural prompts fest, with the prompt, "Sometimes it is necessary to touch bottom in order to know which way is up; to go a long distance down the wrong road before you know the right way." – Salman Rushdie

Read on livejournal
Read on insanejournal

Bonus feature: The song that (very heavily) inspired the intro to the club scene - Lament by Gabriel & Dresden [I have the mp3 if anyone wants it, just not with me at the moment. We're all about the file sharing here! ;)]

These were all written for the HP Anonymous Kinks meme at karmicsunshine on LJ. I went kinda crazy.

Title: We sew the eyes on dolls
Pairing: Narcissa/Molly
Rating: R
Warnings: 'Intense' prose? Imagery.
Word count: 603
Summary: Narcissa loathed Molly Prewett.
Beta: nolagal
Notes: Written for the HP anonymous kinks meme at karmicsunshine. Prompt: Narcissa/Molly, during their school years, Narcissa is jealous of Molly. (Which was my own prompt, but I couldn't not do it. This is easily my bestest favorite rarepair. <3)

( Read more... )



Title: Pineapple
Pairing: Hermione/Severus
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Bloodplay! Highlight for spoilers: *roleplay, faux-noncon, knife/blood play. Play play play!*
Word count: 1047
Summary: Kinky porn
Beta: nolagal
Notes: Done for the HP Anonymous Kinks Meme at karmicsunshine. Prompt: Hermione/Snape, non-con play, rope bondage, S&M. Remember, folks, it's the sub who's got the power, so can we please let Hermione not be all weak and weepy? This is one of the select het pairings that doesn't scare me away on sight, and I had the wild and adventurous urge to write some het, and out popped this strange little thing. o_O

( Read more... )



Title: The Evolution of Fear
Pairing: Harry/Sirius
Rating: R
Warnings: Chan, non-con, potions use, coercion
Word count: 622
Summary: Harry and Sirius share the strongest love there is—the only thing keeping them apart now is fear.
Beta: nolagal
Notes: Written for the HP anonymous kinks meme over at karmicsunshine. Prompt: harry/sirius: dub/non-con, harry using a love potion on sirius. make it dark; obsessive, messed-up harry a plus. This was very, very heavily inspired (to the point near-plagiarism, now that I look at it) by One Truth by accioscar. So yeah. Just go read that fic. You won't regret it.

( Read more... )



Title: Getting Under the Skin
Pairing: Ron/Draco
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: PWP (srsly), spanking, rimming, violent!sex, dirty talk (of a kind), no plot. Not even an explanation. Or a backstory. Or a context. Nada.
Word count: 1277
Summary: In a perfect world, Ron would never have to talk about his feelings at all. Draco's pretty perfect.
Beta: nolagal and asnowyowl
Notes: Originally written for the HP Anonymous Kinks Meme over at karmicsunshine. Prompt: Ron/Draco, rimming, spanking, incoherent begging, bottom!Draco.

( Read more... )



Title: In which Lavender and Parvati discover the benefits of real tits and fake cocks
Pairing: Lavender/Parvati
Rating: (light) R
Warnings: Magical thrumming phallus, masturbation, sex, general silliness
Word count: 1628
Summary: Parvati is a bit nervous of Lavender's dildo, and for good reason.
Beta: nolagal and juliandahling
Notes: Originally written for the HP Anonymous Kinks Meme over at karmicsunshine

( Read more... )

Repost 3/4

Title: In The Snake's Lair
Pairing: As/S
Word Count: 995
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Albus Severus, tired of being everyone's spotless Head Boy, hears a rumor and decides to use it to his advantage.
Author's Notes: Originally written for the_ass_fest with the prompt 'tattoo, jealous, wink.' Porn resulted.

( Read more... )

It's been so long since I wrote non-fest smut that I forgot how to cross-post. True story.

Title: In Which the Laws of Nature Turn against Hugo Weasley
Pairing: Hugo/Scorpius
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Frottage, boyish obliviousness
Word count: ~2200
Summary: Hugo did not ask to be put in this position.
Notes: Happy birthday, redsnake05!!!!! It just turned midnight here, so I can post this. Hope you had/are having a wonderful day! You're an awesome friend and ever so fun to write for. :D *huggles*

This came out about 4 times longer than I'd originally intended, so I'm going to go and dedicate it to who_la_hoop too. I was totally going to write you a ficlet on your birthday, because all betas deserve birthday ficlets, but my idea tanked halfway through and then it wasn't even your birthday anymore where you lived. Unless I've grossly miscalculated, though, you like this sort of 'happy' stuff? So think of it as belated birthday fic. :)

I went and pillaged redsnake05's kinks list for ideas, and it proved very fruitful indeed. *g* I picked a prompt and a theme and planned out this neat little 4-part drabble series... and then it exploded. The first part is a real drabble (100 words, baby!), the second part is a lazy drabble (er, 130), the third part kind of ran away with me, and the fourth part didn't even know it was supposed to be a drabble. Hence the weird structure. I've been informed it's not entirely unreadable. ;) Thanks to tjwritter for the super-quick beta!

( And finally, the story )

Title: Egg-Shaped Love
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Luna/Cho, mentioned Luna/MC
Disclaimer: Not mine, except for the global warming joke. That was totally mine, and JKR can't have it even if she wants it. Nyaa.
Summary: Luna Lovegood is the last person Cho expected to see here. She's the first person Cho would expect to do what she does.
Warnings: Adultery (but not really), a passing moment of what could be dub!con, and all manner of delightful sexual acts between women well above the age of consent.
Word Count: ~7800
Author's Notes: See epic ramblings at the hp_yule_balls post. (Honestly mine might have been the longest A/N in the entire fest. *wins*) Many thanks to my now acknowledgeable betas, tjwritter & juliandahling. And also to cloquinette_11 for being in the room when I was freaking out and needed a last-minute readthrough. :)

the story

bonus features at my livejournal

Title: New Year's Day
Word count: environs 3000
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Parvati plans to finagle a kiss from Lavender at midnight and see where things go from there, and it almost works – Lavender just sees things going pretty fast. Heck, it's a complete PWP.
Warnings: None really. Some frotting and masturbation and snogging, if you must know.
Notes: Written for attributive_adj who bought a 1000 word fic from me in hp_equality, with the extremely difficult and finicky prompt of, “you know what I like, write whatever you're in the mood for!” I hope I didn't make any terrible misjudgments here! Excessively many thanks to asnowyowl for the beta, cause she doesn't even read femslash usually. Also, this entire fic was inspired by a drawing which shall be posted as soon as I finish the coloring. *g*

( New Year's Day )

Title: Tackle Glomp
Pairing: Charlie/Harry
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Mans sexin' up teh other mans. It happens! (Let me show you it.) Also, unbeta'd.
Word Count: ~2100
Notes: Because asnowyowl is the patientest and most awesome beta of all time and deserves heaps of gift fics and stuff. Or maybe just because it's been too long since I said I'd do this. :D I really hope you have time to read this, Ann, what with everything you have going on right now - it was totally supposed to be like 600 words long, but you know how it goes. Also, was written under the influence of enough alcohol to make me do the malchik gey dance in front of people, so I make no guarantees for quality. *shifty eyes*

( Tackle Glomp )

Title: A Certain Flair for Business
Pairing: Fred/George
Rated: NC-17
Genres: Humor, sex (is sex a genre?  well, now it is), fluff
Warnings: Slash, sort of goal-oriented sex
Word Count: 4685
Disclaimer: Does it look like I'm making money off this?
Summary: The most cliché plot device ever: product testing.  Because I can.  Also because my philospohy of literature professor told me that one should not aim for originality in one's writing, only authenticity.  Better fanfic through philosophy! 



~

( A Certain Flair for Business )

Tags: ! fic, *slash, pairing: fred/george, rating: nc-17